O, CANADA...

I'm not sure how it happens, but every now and then I get plagued by a different nation. Regular Flog readers (all one of you) will be aware that this has happened a few times before, at one time it was Portugal, another time it was Spain(I've had recurring bouts of this) and also Estonia, to the result that I had to bloody go there to cure myself. I mention all of this because it's all happening again, this time with Canada for some reason. Everwhere I look there is something canadian infiltrating my life. All of a sudden, Ireland seems to be full of the f*ckers, and it seems that all the random people i meet in pubs and stuff are all from icehockeystickland. As we speak there are two Canucks sitting behind me at work, giggling to themselves suspiciously. What do they know that I don't? Did someone shave Canada Rules into the back of my head while I was asleep? Mind you that just might be frighteningly possible...

Canada is pretty quiet, he's that moody dude in school who hates the guy he's sittin beside, and basically avoids eye-contact with everyone to avoid being asked a difficult question. Growing up, the only access we had to Canada was the Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song" and programme "The Littlest Hobo." So for many years I thought the country was full of either transvestites and - well - hobos. Clara, one such delightful canuck I've encountered, is the original Littlest Hobo, a wee thing that wanders from place to place solving problems and sometimes even crimes probably. And then you turn around and she's gone again, probably to solve more problems worldwide. She's certainly made me recall that classic themetune:
http://www.culttelly.co.uk/lyrics/hobo.html.
Those who remember, remember. And those who remember, regret the invention of memory.

Quite apart from the giggly moose-divers (did ya see what I did there?) behind me, I realise that I'm wearing shoes given to me by the Littlest Hobo herself, and the socks she gave me, not to mention the Canadian quarter I have in my back pocket. Can I just clarify at this point that it wasn't HER shoes and socks, I haven't quite gone into brown-dunking showbusiness just yet. I like the quarter though, especially since the cheeky Canadians have a moose behind the Queen's head. Them Canadian's like doing things behind people's back.
I just wish they'd stop giggling!

Canada -probably through malicious defamation by their southern continental co-habitants - has the reputation for being a little boring. I reckon that - and the more I think about it the cooler it sounds - that Canada should invade Alaska - you know, just for a laugh. If nothin else, it'd make great telly. Can you just image switching on the news today and hearing: "This just in, Canada has invaded Alaska. We can confirm that George Bush is currently trying to locate it on the map..." It'd be brilliant. Lets's face it we'd all be up for 'em.
The Canadians behind me are laughing again. Maybe I'll remind them of William Shatner's "Common People", that ought to shut em up.