I GOT MY MONEY BACK

In October I wrote a Flog entry that utterly backfired."RID YOUR HOME OF CANADIANS OR YOUR MONEY BACK", referred to two Canadian friends of mine Kara and clim (or is that Clara and Kim? their teedle-dum and tweedle-dee aspect can result in a morphing of their identies) It read: "Now that that double-act have again departed, Cork is more serene place. No longer is there a whiney north-American drawl to razor-blade through the silence, no longer does the beamish-and-dogshit Cork air have to carry the impossibly-loud octave of a people who must all live very far apart from one another 'cause all they seem to do is shout." Not long after I get an email with "sneak attack" in the subject line. "Hey dude, just when you thought you'd gotten rid of the canadian girls we go for a sneak attack when you least expect it. We've booked flights into cork dec 21 and fly out on the 30th. and it's all your fault. we we're listening to the Pogues christmas song you burnt for kim, got tiery eyed [sic]and booked flights all within the course on 30 min."
Sketch lads.
Suddenly the stock of Megasleep Earplugs Ireland went up four hundred percent, the pubs of Ireland ordered an emergency shipment from Diageo, and the Dail passed a rushed bill to make an Hiberno-Canadian sexual coupling a finable offence. The hatches were bolted down, the airport police were put on high alert, and the nervous popuation quickly readied itself. The cattle huddled hodgepodge in the corner of their fields, the more vunerable woodland rodents scurried to their dens and burrows, and the birds - for the moment at least - had silenced their carefree chirps.
The storm was coming.
I reread the email as I sat in the internet call-shop, imagining this pre-apocolyptic scenario when something extraordinary happened. This attractive twinkle-eyed young girl came in and asked me for my contact details. But wait - that wasn't the extraordinary thing: from her lips there came an unmistakable North-American inflection that was - amazingly - soft spoken.
Lindsey, a cherubine Missourian seduced me into an entirely new North American world, to the beer-swill and bubble of the energetic U.S population. And there - typically - I found myself again, surrounded by the storm.
And then hurricane Clim hit. It was like tag-team-North-Americans: As Lindsey's plane landed in Kansas, Clara and Kim were boarding theirs in London ready to visit their home away from home. Cork was ready for 'em and so was I. I hoped. I had missed them, accents and all, and they were just the fun-and-frolicks tonic I needed after my all-too-brief exposure to Lindsey. So bring-it-on, what-up, yee-haw and rootin-tooin etc. American dollars welcome here, me love you long time.