MESSY WESSY

The Yahtzee Nazi herself, Miss Donna Wescott, has taken her very wee body away from Ireland, leaving a Donna-shaped hole in Cork City. No more would I hear her intermittently screech lyrics from her iPod as she potters around the kitchen. No longer would I hear the expression "too bright" whenever we entered anywhere where the lighting level was a few degrees above pitch. No longer would I have her getting dressed and then asking me if she looked like a boy, or if she's going to work. No longer would I have her to ask me to refrain from looking at her arse. No longer would I look into her little sad face and hear her say "aw I was holding out Kev" whenever she heard of any of my romantic escapades. No longer would I hear hear her girly farts followed by a cheeky "oops!". No longer would I dance with her whilst making our way up ballyhooley road,her iPod earphones split between us. No longer would she call me Buddha whilst rubbing my year-round christmas belly for luck. No longer would I hear that classic joke :"What did the Leprechaun say to the rabbit?... f*ck off!" No longer would I get my arse kicked in scrabble, atupidly allowing Donna to include "wog" as a valid word. No longer will I hear that deeply philosophical musing: "would you rather do a donkey or a dead person?" No longer would I have trouble distiguishing between the names "Alan" and "Ellen" throught her thick Melbourne accent (or is that Malbourne?"
And no longer will the expression "f*ckin c*nts" seem as socially acceptable (I once suggested "fornicating vaginas" as a substitute, to which Donna's response was: "Keep it clean Kev..."
Poor Donna was a little emotional when we parted ways. Emotional and drunk. The dirfference bewteen drunk Donna and sober Donna is demonstrable through these two text messages she sent me, one on her last night and the next the morning of her departure.

Drunk Donna:
"kev I'm actually crying typing this. I'm going to miss you so much. I hope you come to Aus. I can't imagine not having you around"

Sober Donna:
"Hey Buddha. Just about to board. Take it easy and ya better get to Aus! Ya c*nt!"

Charming girl. I'm glad she's f*cked off.

A very Messy Wessy takes some quiet time on Christmas day